“Social Consciousness”

You know, the wonderful thing about social consciousness is that a few simple modifications to what you say can immensely improve your relationships.

Expressively knowledgeable people know certain phrases are off limits in casual conversation because people can take them the wrong way. Today, I’m going to show you several phrases I feel should be avoided.

We’ve all said things that people construed in a way other than we thought they would. These seemingly gentle comments lead to the awful feeling that only comes when you’ve planted your foot firmly in your mouth.

Verbal slip-ups often occur because we say things without knowledge of the indirect consequences they carry. Understanding these implications requires social consciousness, in other words, the ability to pick up on the emotions and experiences of other people.

You know Beloved, through the years I’ve discovered that social consciousness is a skill that many of us lack. We lack social consciousness because we’re so caught up on what we’re going to say next, and how what other people are saying affects us, that we completely lose sight of other people and their feelings. This is a problem because people are complicated. Beloved, you can’t hope to understand someone until you focus all your attention in his or her direction.

But you know, the beauty of social consciousness is that a few simple modifications to what you say can immensely improve your relationships. To that end, there are some phrases that expressively knowledgeable people are careful to avoid during casual conversation. The phrases I’ve chosen are criminal!!!

Beloved, avoid them at all costs.

#1
“YOU LOOK TIRED”

Beloved, tired people are extremely unattractive, they have fatigued eyes and out of place hair, they have trouble staying focused and they’re as grumpy as they come. Telling someone he or she looks tired infers all of the above and then some.

Instead say, “Is everything OK?” You see, most people ask if someone is tired because they’re anticipating being helpful (they want to know if the other person is OK). So, instead of assuming someone’s disposition, just ask. This way, he or she can open up and share. More important, he or she will see you as concerned instead of impolite.

#2
“WOW!!! YOU’VE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT”

Once again Beloved, a comment with good intentions, in this case a compliment –  but for some, it creates the impression that you’re being critical. Telling someone that he or she has lost a lot of weight suggests that he or she used to look fat or unappealing.

Instead say, “You look fantastic.” This one is easy to fix. Instead of comparing how he or she looks now to how he or she used to look, just compliment him or her for looking great. It takes their past right out of the picture.

#3
 “YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR HIM OR HER ANYWAY”

When someone severs a relationship of any type, personal or professional, this comment implies he or she has bad taste and made a poor choice in the first place.

As an alternative Beloved say, “Her loss or his loss!!!” This provides the same excited support and confidence without any indirect disparagement.

#4
 “YOU ALWAYS” or “YOU NEVER”

Beloved, let me tell you, no one always or never does anything. People don’t see themselves as one-dimensional or simple minded, so you shouldn’t attempt to define them that way. These phrases make people defensive and closed off to your message, which is a really bad thing because you likely use these phrases when you have something important to discuss.

So, instead, simply point out what the other person did that’s a problem for you. Stick to the facts!!! If the incidence of the behavior is an issue, you can always say, “It seems like you do this often” or “You do this often enough for me to notice.”

#5
 “YOU LOOK GOOD FOR YOUR AGE”

Now, many of you like myself never looked at the two words “FOR YOUR” as patronizing. But, using “FOR YOUR” as a front-runner always comes across as condescending and rude. No one wants to be smart for an athlete or in good shape relative to other people who are also knocking on death’s door. People simply want to be smart and fit.

Beloved, as an alternative say, “You look great!!!” This is another easy fix. Sincere compliments don’t need qualifiers.

#6
 “AS I SAID BEFORE”

We all forget things from time to time. This phrase makes it sound as if you’re insulted at having to repeat yourself, which is hard on the recipient (someone who is sincerely interested in hearing your viewpoint). Beloved, getting upset over having to repeat yourself suggests that either you’re apprehensive or you think you’re better than everyone else (or both!!!). The people who use this phrase actually feel this way.

As an alternative, when you say it again, see what you can do to make the message clearer and more thought-provoking. This way they’ll remember what you said.

#7
“GOOD LUCK”

Now, this is a delicate one. It certainly isn’t the end of the world if you wish someone good luck. “BUT, you can do better because this phrase infers that they need luck to do well.

As an alternative say, “I can see you have what it takes.” This is better than wishing him or her luck because suggesting that he or she has the skills needed to flourish provides a huge boost of confidence. Beloved, you’ll stand out from everyone else who simply wishes him or her luck.

#8
 “IT’S UP TO YOU” or “WHAT EVER YOU WANT”

You know, even though you might be apathetic to the question, your point of view is important to the person asking (or else they wouldn’t have asked you in the first place).

Another way to respond is, “I don’t have a strong point of view either way, but I do have a couple of things you can consider…” Beloved, when you offer an opinion (even without choosing a side), it shows that you care about the person asking.

#9
 “WELL AT LEAST I NEVER”

This phrase is an antagonistic way to change or remove the attention from your mistake by pointing out an old, likely irrelevant mistake the other person made (and one you should have forgiven him or her for by now).

As an alternative say, “I’m sorry or please forgive me.” You see, owning up to your mistake is the best way to bring the discussion to a more rational, tranquil place so that you can work things out. Confessing guilt (accepting responsibility) is an awesome way to avoid increased drama.

Beloved, during our everyday conversation, it’s the diminutive things that creates a massive difference.

If you’ll give these suggestions a tryout, you’ll be astonished at the optimistic response you’ll receive.